Emotional Abuse

My friend Nita Mehta is interested in understanding emotional abuse; in my understanding most emotional abuse is self-inflicted.

Yes, any suppression of our own natural, spontaneous, instinctive, and intuitive emotions is emotional abuse.

When we have abused ourselves so much that the emotions cannot be suppressed anymore, we begin to abuse others - whether emotionally or physically.

I have learnt that only an abused person can abuse others; only a hurt person can hurt others, and only a victim of violence can be violent towards others.

In that sense, each one of us is the victim and the perpetrator of abuse. As the saying goes, "Hamam Mein Sab Nange Hain."

Containing or eliminating violence is a collective responsibility.

Please attend a workshop (or read Marshal's book) on Non-violent communication, Nita; it will open your eyes to all kinds of emotional crimes each of us commits on a daily basis.

Perhaps I should create such a workshop too....:)

Suffering

As a young girl, who was brought up on bollywood romance, I had no patience for the sad stories of 'suffering in love'. For me love was only about dancing, singing, sacrificing, and just being happy. Hence, when my share of suffering arrived, I resisted it BIG TIME.

I was heartbroken.

And the misery lasted until I realized that my suffering was leading me to my unaccessed depths, making me learn more deeply about myself, my weaknesses and my motives.

This became a turning point.

I learnt that it was not my heart, but the wall around it which had cracked open.

Yes, it pained. It pained hard. But the experience of that pain allowed me to truly experience my joy.

I KNOW now that those who don't FEEL their pain fully, cannot feel their joy FULLY.

 

Love and Light

Suppose someone you care about is going through an extremely difficult time. You would do anything to help but cannot. Perhaps the person is not ready to receive your help. Perhaps the person does not want your wisdom. Whatever the case may be, there are always times when you have to witness another’s pain without being able to help.

At such times, remember that it is not your job to alleviate their pain, just so you can feel good about yourself. If you were to take away their pain before they are ready to release it, you would be robbing them of precious life lessons that they would have to learn through other difficult circumstances.

Things are not always as they seem. Accept them as they are. Send love and light of understanding to them. 

Seeker or Co-creator

The ego (the personality self) knows life as a seeker and cannot imagine a life where all questions are answered and there are no more questions to be asked. The path of the seeker ends when the seeker realizes that the one who asks the question is also the one who holds its answer.

Whatever understanding your soul seeks is already inherent within each experience of your life; just allow yourself to pause long enough to hear the answer. Each life experience carries THE answer for you, and only one answer is required. (Dhai aakhar Prem ka padhe so Pandit Hoye)

You bring divine order to chaos when you understand that the one who is AWARE of the chaos IS the answer and the solution to it.

When you are no longer a seeker, when you become the answer to all your questions through your re-connection, you look at life as a ‘path of unfolding creation’ where you move from one point of creation to another- acknowledging your role as the co-creator of the Uni-verse (one song that we all are singing). 

Holier Than Thou

Making others feel important, while putting themselves down, is a subtle strategy people use to control others. When we make somebody feel very ‘high’, we gain power over them because we can either keep them high or throw them down.

Staying on a pedestal can feel very good and special; most people enjoy that trip, and in order to enjoy they have to fulfill a few conditions, such as, “Don’t do this; it doesn’t suit you. Don’t do that; it is below your dignity. Keep your status.” You see the manipulation.

The man on the pedestal cannot live his own life. He is completely dependent upon others, who will control and manipulate him, while making him feel like a god. That’s the trick, and it is an ancient, time-tested trick.

After staying on the pedestal for some time, people fear coming down and becoming ordinary once again. Others take advantage of this fear for their own gain.

Making others feel low or high are tools of manipulation and control. If someone is low they can be repressed and punished; if someone is high they can be thrown from the pedestal. Only an equal person cannot be controlled. Only an equal person is free.

So, beware from either climbing on a pedestal or making yourself feel lower than others. Both ways you can be manipulated. All pedestals are a kind of disease. 

Being ordinary is the only birthplace of freedom. Only ordinary people can be natural, alive and true. Considering each other equal in our ordinariness is the greatest respect we can pay to each other as human beings.

Sub-Conscious Programming

Right from the in-utero stage, we begin to consume millions of bits of information from the world around us, in order to learn its ways and their effect on our survival.

The spoken and unspoken thoughts of people around us; from our parents, family members, relatives, neighbors, friends, teachers to programs on TV and computer, help in programming our sub-conscious mind.

The wave-like electric activity of the brain, which is categorized into 4 main states (depending upon the number of wave-cycles per second), plays a major role in this un-conscious programming.

From womb to the age of two years, the brain operates in Delta brainwave state, the lowest frequency of about 1.5 to 4 wave cycles per second. (At all other ages, this is the operative state of deep, dreamless sleep.)
Anything that is repeated most often and with most intensity is immediately absorbed, and adopted as truth, in this state.

From the ages of two to six, the brain primarily operates in Theta wave state of 4 to 7 wave-cycles per second.  (This is the operative state of hypnosis, deep meditation, day-dreaming, or dreaming in sleep. This also occurs during those everyday routine actions that become so automatic that we mentally disengage from them, such as bathing, shaving, brushing teeth etc). This brain state is very receptive to free-flowing ideas in the environment. No wonder children absorb all that they see and hear.

After the age of 6, the brain vacillates between the Alpha state of 7 to 13 wave-cycles per second (a relaxed yet alert state, which is also observed when we are feeling calm, peaceful and meditative. This state is the super-learning state) and Beta state of 13 to 38 wave-cycles (a state ranging from that of regular activity, vigilance, concentration, logical thinking to that of panic, worry and stress reaction.)

Most of our deep subconscious programming happens by the age of 7. However, we continue to be programmed when our brain is operating in Delta, Theta or Alpha states. Under stress, our brain operates from the highest range of Beta state, which is highly resistant to new thoughts and ideas.

(In modern times, television is the biggest programmer of our subconscious beliefs; especially if it is in playing in the bedroom. Pregnant mothers should be very careful of what they think and watch. No one should be sleeping in a room very TV is playing. Children should not be exposed to TV programming. Advertisements on TV affect our psyche more than all other advertisements put together.)

By the age of 7 years the basic foundation of our sub-conscious beliefs is laid. These sub-conscious beliefs attract corresponding experiences in our lives, which further strengthen them. Thus childhood beliefs continue to affect our entire life. About 80% of our thoughts originate from our seven-year-old mindset.

When we come to understand that a lot of the information in our energy field is not really helping us (and perhaps harming us), we can decide to change it; but the new programs can only be installed under right brainwave states.

Emotional Freedom Technique

This morning I got up late (of late this has become a common pattern), and the first thought was, 'oh, no.' Immediately a voice said, "Do EFT." I have been doing and teaching EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), but somehow had never thought of doing it for such a minor thought (I do it only when grappling with some intense emotion). Next I was taught how to do it in simple three steps. (I had already simplified the original technique, but this three step one completely took me by surprise.) 

The first step was the usual Karate Chop one (the words flowed without thinking), "Even though I am feeling guilty, I deeply and completely love myself." (said three times while tapping on the side of my hand) The second step took me to my chest. I kept tapping (furiously) and saying, "I am feeling guilty. I am feeling guilty." and the third step took my hands to the top of my head, where again I tapped fast, repeating, "I deeply and completely love myself." I kept repeating this until the energy wore off. 

I do not know 'who' was guiding me (for past 4 days, I am doing an exercise of inviting Hanuman energies within me. This was inspired by Sohrab Ardeshir's channeling of Shiva Energies. Those who are interested in this and much more, please visit his website www.phoenixrising.in) Later I found myself tapping all over my face, with special attention to the EFT points, repeating 'I am feeling guilty' and then to the crown, "I deeply and completely love myself." (felt like a monkey, doing that with both my hands)

I realized that these small little 'oh, no's create small little packets of guilt which we brush aside. Over a period of time these accumulate into a HUGE pile of guilt, which attracts more situations to be guilty about and THEN I indulge in EFT to RELEASE that GUILT......ahhhhhhhh!! This morning I was guided to release tiny bits of whatever comes up, when it comes up, without storing it in my cells......Thank you God. Thank you Hanuman. Thank you Shiva.