Emotional Abuse

My friend Nita Mehta is interested in understanding emotional abuse; in my understanding most emotional abuse is self-inflicted.

Yes, any suppression of our own natural, spontaneous, instinctive, and intuitive emotions is emotional abuse.

When we have abused ourselves so much that the emotions cannot be suppressed anymore, we begin to abuse others - whether emotionally or physically.

I have learnt that only an abused person can abuse others; only a hurt person can hurt others, and only a victim of violence can be violent towards others.

In that sense, each one of us is the victim and the perpetrator of abuse. As the saying goes, "Hamam Mein Sab Nange Hain."

Containing or eliminating violence is a collective responsibility.

Please attend a workshop (or read Marshal's book) on Non-violent communication, Nita; it will open your eyes to all kinds of emotional crimes each of us commits on a daily basis.

Perhaps I should create such a workshop too....:)

Suffering

As a young girl, who was brought up on bollywood romance, I had no patience for the sad stories of 'suffering in love'. For me love was only about dancing, singing, sacrificing, and just being happy. Hence, when my share of suffering arrived, I resisted it BIG TIME.

I was heartbroken.

And the misery lasted until I realized that my suffering was leading me to my unaccessed depths, making me learn more deeply about myself, my weaknesses and my motives.

This became a turning point.

I learnt that it was not my heart, but the wall around it which had cracked open.

Yes, it pained. It pained hard. But the experience of that pain allowed me to truly experience my joy.

I KNOW now that those who don't FEEL their pain fully, cannot feel their joy FULLY.

 

Happily Married

In our friend circles, most people have children of marriageable age, so marriage and there-after remains a common topic of hot discussions. Most parents want their children to choose their spouse themselves (a  far cry from our days and a very welcome move indeed) saying, ‘Bachhe khush rahein, aur hamein kya chaahiye.’ But in the next breath they begin wondering aloud, “Today’s children don’t have patience and tolerance. They are set in their ways and can’t change for the other. So many marriages are breaking up. It scares us.”

I wonder why such thoughts don’t occur to me. I firmly believe that if we have set a good example for our children, they will be alright; with or without marriage! Marriage is just another way of life; and those who know how to live life, will enjoy being married too….not because one must ‘get married and produce children’, but because one wants to spend one’s life with a particular person as family.

Those of us, who want our children to be happily married (and that includes all of us who have children), have to work upon our own marriage first. The day we can happily declare (to ourselves) that our marriage is making our home a peaceful, joyful heaven, we will stop worrying about our children and their marital status….:))) 

Happy Marriage

What is your secret of happy marriage?

In our case, it is knowing, remembering and if need be, reminding the other that our views/ likings/ dislikings/ preferences/ moods/ perspectives may differ from time to time but we remain on the same side....with our common love for love, peace, harmony, mutual growth and loving communication.......:)

After 30 years of togetherness we both enjoy each other's company the most.........:))