Ego..........anyone?

Now what is this about our ego-personality that so riles the spiritualists........or so I gather from various utterings---'We must annihilate our ego. Ego is our biggest enemy etc." In fact, the entire 'spiritual' industry is based upon learning the best tools to control/ overcome/ go beyond our ego? 

Before we can learn how to control/ annihilate/ defeat/ overcome/ go beyond something, we must first know what is it that we must control/ annihilate/ defeat overcome/ go beyond....Makes sense, isn't it? 

Ego is a Latin word, which means 'I'...often used in English to define 'self'...Psychologists understand it as one of the three constructs of the structural model of our psyche (id, ego, super-ego)....Spiritualists call it self with a small s (as opposed to Self with a large S, Soul/ Spirit), false-self, self-identity, self-concept, conceptual identity etc. Most common folks (the ones trying/ wanting to control/ annihilate/ defeat/ control/ overcome/ go beyond it.....in other words the suckers...oops the 'seekers') think of ego as all the 'bad' aspects of our psyche/ emotions/ reactions/ actions that keep us in bondage (away from enlightenment---the prized catch). 

Some like me, look at ego as ALL aspects of our personality. There are some aspects of our personality that we like, identify with, display happily, want others to know, feel happy about etc. (In my case, I like my intelligence, wit, honesty, trust-worthiness, authenticity etc....you will have your own list). We do not have any problem with this part of our ego and like to nurture it. 

The 'enemy' are those aspects of our personality that we really would like to be 'dead'/ do away with/ hide behind masks/ don't want anyone- including ourselves- to see/ would like to control, annihilate, defeat, overcome, go beyond...........These are those (shadow) aspects of our psyche that we are ashamed of, which make us feel imperfect/ not good enough/ unworthy/ scum of the earth/ shameful/ guilty/ terrible/ satan's spouse/ unwholesome etc etc etc. This is the part we wish to bring to light (enlighten...the rest is perfect as it is).....This is the part which makes us a sucker/ seeker...(seeking for elusive peace/ joy/ happiness/ ananda/ enlightenment/ awakening/ ascension etc....the names are many but the essence is same or similar)....

So, now we have at least identified the ENEMY.........Now what? Down with the Enemy...Behead it. Annihilate it. Take it away from my sight. I have nothing to do with it. I am not my ego. I am the soul..Is any one listening?....I AM THE SOUL.........but we may cry ourselves hoarse shouting it, and may wear masks upon masks (even the most attractive of them all----the spiritual mask), we CANNOT do away with our shadow self (Ego, The Enemy). It keeps popping its (ugly) head every now and then....catching us unaware, letting our carefully screwed masks slip....Oh, what I do with this Ego? It doesn't let me live in peace/ joy/ ananda whatever...How do I annihilate/ control/ overcome it? Please God/ Angels HELP!! 

The help comes in the form of distractions - whether material or spiritual- distractions are just distractions; they don't solve anything- they just distract us temporarily until our buttons are pushed once again---ouch---- life/ people/ circumstances/ weather/ situations/ politicians/ gods/ EVERYONE is so cruel....Why can't they let me live in peace? Why do they keep pressing my buttons- allowing the shadow to show up? Why? Why? Why? What do I do about it?

Do you get the drift now? Can you identify the root cause of all our suffering? 

The day I understood this game/ leela/ maya.......or whatever you call it......I called it a day. I chose to QUIT! 

Yes, and that's what was needed. Ah, could it get simpler than that? Is that what is known as surrender/ acceptance/ unconditional love? Just Quit the seeking/ sucking/ trying to control, annihilate, overcome etc. 

I made a list of my shadow aspects. It was a deadly cocktail of anger, irritation, resistance, rejection, superiority. inferiority, envy, me-first, poor me, why me, you are not okay, I am not okay, world is not okay, you don't understand, I don't understand, no-one understands me etc. etc. etc. And I did the unthinkable......I began to acknowledge my shadow aspects (much reviled ego) to myself first, then to my virtual friends, and finally to my family- people who matter the most to me. The more I exposed myself (my ego), half-expecting to be ridiculed/ hated/ judged/ criticized, much to my surprise (the ego was practically shaken up in the delight of recognition) I was ACCEPTED more fully than ever before! and what a burden it was off my head/ shoulders/ back......I felt free at last. I didn't have to wear any more masks. I didn't have to make an effort to HIDE some aspects of myself and PRETEND to be an angel anymore. Of course I am an angel but I can be a devil too!! and that's what being human means. A human is not a complete angel nor a certified devil...It is a cross between the two....:))))))) A hybrid!! 

True freedom comes when we can feel comfortable with our entirety and become whole. That is what is spirituality all about. It is a journey of being whole- once again. In oneness with ALL aspects that make us who we are- Unique in all aspects. There is nothing to control/ negate/ annihilate/ overcome. My ego-personality will die its death the day my body is vacated by my soul. Until then I remain at peace with it. 

I am reminded of my childhood, where Pran used to the most-reviled villain. Those days heroes were total heroes (gods/ angels) and villains were complete villains (devil-incarnate). No wonder, I used to HATE Pran; until one day when I read in some film magazine that Pran was a wonderful/ generous human being- a hero in real life. I remember being confused and wondered why the hell would a decent guy choose to portray the role of a devil (apparently I knew nothing about earning a livelihood or challenges of essaying a role that was opposite to who you actually are). As I grew up, I learnt that all the heroes I worshipped (Rajesh Khanna et al) were not really 100% angels in real life. and that's when the Indian Cinema too changed. Roles became more complex. Lines between hero/ zero were blurred. Nothing was as either/or anymore. 

And that is how it happened in real life as well. We became more complex. Virtues became more flexible. Nothing was sacro-sanct anymore- least of all myself----And then I discovered spirituality and found the 'real' villain- my ego! Ah, gottcha!! That was an aha moment alright- but short-lived. My masks couldn't control/ annihilate / overcome my ego (I didn't know about this 'shadow' self business then)......and I remained not-completely happy 24 x7, despite living the most beautiful life ever imaginable by anyone in my league, with the most beautiful/ lovable/ intelligent/ capable people god ever made!!! 

I often used the story of the Princess and the Pea (where a small pea under a pile of soft mattresses wouldn't let a princess sleep), to explain my situation...But at last I found the pea---ah, the ego again but only a part of it...and this time I identified it as my shadow self.

Once the culprit was identified, acknowledged, accepted, embraced and ahem- loved; it was no more the enemy. How could it be? It was an integral part of who I am. Body + Soul+ Ego-personality (and much more besides). 

Inner Peace comes when we become peaceful with all our facets. That's when the diamond is noticed.....and polished. That's when the brilliance gets exposed......and light shines through!!!! 

Would you still want to control/ annihilate/ defeat/ control/ overcome/ go beyond your ego-personality? All the best to you and yours!!!